My head is spinning. . .but Earth isn't.

Well, in their favor, they're not quite as insane as the flat-earthers, but as deadenders go, they're right up there with the young earth creationists and the confederation revivalists. Allow me to introduce you to what wikipedia diplomatically calls modern geocentrists.

These fine people are of the opinion that the earth is suspended by magnets like a cheap office tchotchke.

"An electromagnet and computerized sensor hidden in its
display stand cause the Earth to levitate motionlessly in the air."
Could God have engineered something like that for the real Earth?
The Bible and all real evidence confirms that this is precisely what He did, and indeed:
The Earth is not rotating...nor is it going around the sun.
The universe is not one ten trillionth the size we are told.
Today’s cosmology fulfills an anti-Bible religious plan disguised as "science".
The whole scheme from Copernicanism to Big Bangism is a factless lie.
Those lies have planted the Truth-killing virus of evolutionism
in every aspect of man’s "knowledge" about the Universe, the
Earth, and Himself.
Take your time.
Check it all out.
Decide for yourself.*

Bonus points for big bangism. I'll give them that. Of course, those silly little magnetic suspended earths don't actually hang motionless. Also, taking a telescope to one of the poles should disprove the earth-as-a-giant-office-toy theory fairly conclusively. The site does, however, feature many exclamation marks. And we all know that exclamation marks == truth;

Although the geocentrists themselves aren't really up to the challenge of explaining their pet theories, wikipedia takes a stab at it:

Some geocentrists believe that the difficulties in the types of theories discussed above can be overcome by rejecting some of the assumptions that were implicitly made in that discussion. In particular, some geocentrists believe that the universe is very much smaller than the billions of light years calculated by modern scientists. A detailed theory of this sort is not available, so its plausibility and freedom from internal contradictions cannot be evaluated here.

Okay, so I'll make an admission here. The geocentrists are, in a sense, right. The universe has no absolute frame of reference, but you're free to choose one yourself, I suppose. From the perspective of the moon, earth is indeed the center of the universe. Even Star Trek agrees, to a point.

That doesn't mean these people aren't fruitier than a gay pineapple. It just means that they are, almost entirely by accident, not completely and utterly wrong. And beside, how can you not mock these people? Niall Kilkenny, proprietor of the highly regarded reformation.org, referenced above, "just planned on doing a few brief articles on the Wonders of Bible Chronology. However the site just grew and grew until now it contains over 500MB's of Christ exalting, Rome busting information." Gee. Thanks Niall, or should I call you Champion of the Congregation of St. Candice? After all, he's related to "saint" Anne Boleyn. Or something. I guess that if god lets you declare the Earth stationary and immovable, you also get to canonize saints. It's like a divine twofer.

Where was I? Oh, right. The "logic" required to come to the conclusion that Earth is the stationary center of the universe. Here's a beautiful example; geostationary satellites.

"The elevated temperature of the sun causes it to transmit a high-level electrical noise signal to receiving systems whenever it passes behind the satellite and comes within the beams of the receiver antennas. [. . .] This is obviously very embarrassing to the heliocentric people because the sun is not supposed to move. The sun does move however, and twice a year it is over the equator.

Okay, Geocentrism one, Heliocentrism zero. Or something. Worst false dichotomy ever. "If you're against my idiotic concept, you must believe that the sun is at the center of the universe." Of course, what the dullard forgets to mention is that if the earth was stationary, geostationary satellites would plummet straight down to the ground.

I could go on about these nutjobs for hours, but I won't. Instead I'll leave you with this mind boggling ad-hominem directed at none other then Napoleon himself.

There is a definite conflict of interest in this Napoleon sponsored experiment to prove that the earth is turning....It might be a "coincidence" but the future emperor Napoleon was born on the island of Corsica in 1769. That was just 2 years after the Jesuits were dumped on that island when Pope Clement banned them with a perpetual decree never to be rescinded.

*: It should be noted that loonies commonly write paragraphs like this centered, with a different font, color, and size for each line, presumably as a way to project authority. Or mad HTML skillz. Either way, I've chosen not to reproduce the phenomenon